Threeee Pretegud Ideas

Each word is taken from the vanity plate master list issued by the DMV

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(NOOZ HEDLINE: DWNTWN SSPORTS

PALAZZO 2BEE DUBBED “STAPLES ARENA”--

JIANT RETAILR WIL PAY A100 MILION

DOLLA FEE TTO NAMEIT)

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IDEA1. INOV8V N8RLUVR PEEPLE TELUS

HOWKUL DA ELLAYE RIVRR COUDBE:

FULOLIF, NOTA JOKE, GREEENN.

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ITSTYME TO FINDA PATRON WHOOOO

KAN FULPHIL DIS HAAPI VYSION.

ITHINK IHAVE1. IN FACT, THISS NLI10D

BIZNES HAZ ITZ WORLDHQ RITEON

DARIVR INN BURBANK.

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LTZMKDL. THEY PROMIS2 MAKOVER ZE

LSANGLS RIVER UND PAY4IT. WE AGREE

2CHANGE ITTS NAME 2DISNEY RRIVERR.

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IDEA2. EVEN ORDNARI FOLKS OTTAHAV

AA CORPR8 SPNSR, STARTIN AT BIRTHE.

NAME RYTES 4ABBABY MITE GO4 5GEES (BUT

4ADOG, MUCHE LESSSSS, MAYB 50BUCKS).

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SOOON WEWIL HEAR TALKING LIKEDIS:

“KLEENX AND KODAK PLAY SONICE 2GTHR!”

“MCI, ISED GO2YRRM!” “GOFETCH, XEROX!”

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IDEA3. IMLOOKN 4A CORPRIT SPONSOR

FORRE MYY THOTS. USULI THAYRE RANDOM

ANND NOT2 LUCRATV: “IMWET.”

“IMMLOST.” “TASTES LYK CHIKKEN.”

BUT ICOULDB THINKNG “SONY.” “NIKE.”

“TIME WARNER.”

WHATAM IBID?

*For PL8SPK translation, please see Page 52. Photograph by Brian Davis

(BEGIN TEXT OF INFOBOX / INFOGRAPHIC)

Three Pretty Good Ideas

(News Headline: Downtown Sports Palazzo To Be Dubbed “Staples Arena”--Giant Retailer Will Pay $100-Million Fee to Name It)

Idea 1: Innovative nature-lover people tell us how cool the L.A. River could be: full of life, not a joke, green.

It’s time to find a patron who can fulfill this happy vision. I think I have one. In fact, this enlightened business has its world HQ right on the river in Burbank.

Let’s make a deal. They promise to make over the Los Angeles River and pay for it. We agree to change its name to Disney River.

Idea 2: Even ordinary people ought to have a corporate sponsor, starting at birth. Name rights for a baby might go for five G’s (but for a dog, much less, maybe 50 bucks).

Soon we will hear talking like this: “Kleenex and Kodak play so nice together!” “MCI, I said, ‘Go to your room!’ ” “Go fetch, Xerox!”

Idea 3: I’m looking for a corporate sponsor for my thoughts. Usually they’re random and not too lucrative. “I’m wet.” “I’m lost.” “Tastes like chicken.” But I could be thinking, “Sony.” “Nike.” “Time Warner.”

What am I bid?