That Thing You Do : ‘The paper towels are backward!’ and other stuff that drives us nuts
C’mon, admit it. We’ve all got a little Joan “No Wire Hangers!” Crawford in us when it comes to one thing in our home that needs to be just so.
What’s yours? A toilet lid that has to be kept down? Pictures always straight? Collectibles arranged in that perfect pattern on the mantle? Towels folded so every end is dead even?
All pretty common. But what about the weird ones? Like the house could be demolished the next day but you still have to vacuum that morning. Or you’re willing to eat week-old bagels but the ice trays had better be filled with Evian. Or those troublesome knickknacks scattered throughout the pad need to be kept in categories, based on their respective kingdoms--animal, vegetable or mineral.
“Normally, I could live in a stable, sit on the ground and eat off a rock with a stick. I just don’t care,” says Jeff Barnett of Dana Point.
“But you know what gets me? The trash can in the kitchen. The step on the trash can is supposed to pop the lid up, but if someone replaces the trash bag and doesn’t do it right--doesn’t fluff it up--it doesn’t fit right, and when you hit the step, the lid just falls off. That gets me.”
A psychologist may be able to explain these compulsions or our intense inability to understand why others refuse to do things the right way (meaning, our way), but does it really matter? We’ll continue to do that thing, even when it causes arguments with our mate or makes us look like we deserve a starring role in “Sling Blade.”
A good way to feel better about your quirk is to get a load of what other people do. Here are a few strange household tips we gathered while lurking outside home stores, sitting in bars, strolling through nice neighborhoods and just roaming all over.
Joe Egan of Monarch Beach:
“I have a million [things]. I’m psychotic. But the one that comes to mind is the way the paper towels roll off. They’re supposed to peel off the top, but sometimes people just throw them on without any thought. So you’re standing over the kitchen sink and you have to stop everything--even with wet hands--and fix it so the roll is on right.”
Steve Artura of Laguna Beach:
“In my closet, I have to group all the clothes into categories: all flannel shirts together; casual shirts together; white dress shirts grouped together. Slacks, too, are grouped into causal and business attire. The same thing with dresser drawers: Dress socks go in one section, away from the casual socks. Anything that’s white or light-colored goes in their area, and dark colors are in a separate drawer. Shirts with collars are kept from T-shirts.”
Julie Walker of Irvine:
“My one obsession is that I have to have the chrome on the kitchen faucet spotless. To get it that way, after cleaning the sink, you have to wipe the faucet down with Kleenex. I keep a box of tissue right near the sink. Unlike a sponge, which leaves streaks--and you can’t have that--tissues make the faucet shiny. Nothing else works. “
Jack Petrov of Westminster:
“My big thing is that I can’t stand to have drawers open, whether at my dresser or wherever. I hate to see them like that, where you can see all the socks clumped up or the underwear just lying there. It’s just this feeling of disorder that begins to unnerve me. It’s goofy, I know.”
Shelly Barnett of Dana Point:
“Guests at my home will pick up their glass from the glass table top and I’ll say, ‘Excuse me,’ then I’ll wipe up the water that’s left behind. I also can’t stand water spots on sinks. And I hate the way the maid service makes the bed--the sheets don’t reach the top of the mattress. I pull the bed apart and remake it the minute I get home if the maid’s been there.”
Ann Ouellette of Tustin Ranch:
“Windows have to be clean because you’re bringing the outdoors in and if your windows are spotted or dirty, the whole house looks crummy. Also I’m compulsively fluffing and arranging my pillows on my goose-down sofa and chair.”
Kirsten Bergman of Dana Point:
“A white tile floor is insane. It can be perfectly clean, but if I see a speck of lint on the tile, the floor has to be cleaned again. I wipe it down every day. Also, once I’ve arranged the things in my bathroom, I don’t want anyone to move anything. Oh, spots on the mirror. I hate that. And the patio has to be hosed down every day.”
Alissa Schreiber of Laguna Niguel:
“My toilet paper has to roll off underneath because if you tear it off the top, it keeps rolling off. If I’m out, I’ll change it, even at a stranger’s house. You also have to leave napkins out on the counter so you can get to them; you can’t open a drawer when your hands are greasy. But what I really don’t like is if you’ve been away all day and someone else has been home making a mess.”
Elliot Tinley of Westminster:
“I can’t have the portable house phone out of its cradle. I know most people just use them and drop them wherever, but I have to have it in its place. I’m always putting it back after my roommate uses it.”
Howard Jones of Laguna Niguel:
“Being crazy about cleaning is my wife’s thing. She’s a Virgo, and the kitchen and bathroom must be spotless--bleached clean. But she doesn’t fold trousers properly. I may throw things on the floor, but when I fold trousers, they have to be folded on the inseam, not into a square.”
Christina Corcoran of Aliso Viejo:
“I can’t stand it when carpet doesn’t have a finished look and you can see little feet trails. Carpet has to have that V-look created from vacuuming up and down, then a little overlap, then up again in long strips. Also, dirty TV screens bug me. You’re watching something through little fuzzies. Or when you see people deliberately lean against white walls with oily hands.”
Katharine Herrera of Seal Beach:
“I’m really big about keeping the whole condo clean, but I have a special obsession with the refrigerator. If there’s even a hint of dirt or stains or anything, I just feel filthy. I can’t stand it when any fruits or vegetables are lying on a shelf without being in a bag or wrapped or something. My husband is pretty messy, and I’m always cleaning up after him, even in the refrigerator. He’ll hide an apple behind the milk just to annoy me.”
Julie Ann Stark of Costa Mesa:
“That one thing for me is I need my accessories, art and picture frames to be in an odd number--five candlesticks in a grouping, not four. It’s a good balance. It’s more of a casual feeling. It sets it off nicely.”
Jolene Hays of Aliso Viejo:
“I don’t care if my house is upside down now that I have a toddler. I used to mop every day, but now the house just has to be clean and neat, and sheets have to be untucked all the way around the mattress, otherwise your feet don’t have room.”
Shelly Salazar of Dana Point:
“My husband, Matt, doesn’t like clutter, and everything has to be out of sight, so he shoves newspapers under the couch. I’ll look under there and find really old TV Guides.”
Lois Ambrose of San Clemente:
“My mom hangs her phone upside down. Hers is the flat type of phone where the receiver can go either way. But if she puts the receiver in upside down, the cord is going weird. It always bugs me. Also, it bugs me when the toothpaste cover is not on the toothpaste tube. Even the kind with the little snap, my husband won’t close it. Toothpaste is something that goes in your mouth, after all, and think of all the germs, dust and whatever in the air.”
Brooke Schneider of Long Beach:
“Last year, I took all the kitchen cabinet doors off to paint the wall, then I thought it would be nice to just leave the doors off and have everything openly displayed. I thought it was a great idea, but it’s become a nightmare. I’m constantly looking at what’s inside. I have to have the bowls stacked straight, the glasses lined up in a row and the plates in a certain order. I’m also really obsessed with coins--they can’t be lying around. I have a ‘change’ drawer, but it’s only for pennies, nickels and dimes. Quarters have to go in my car for the toll roads.”
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Recognize yourself somewhere? OK, vacuum the living room that special way, put the top on the toothpaste, don’t let the black socks mingle with the whites and scrub the refrigerator again (watch for hiding fruit). Better yet, just sit down and relax. You’ve been manic enough today; you deserve a break.
