SHOWS FOR YOUNGSTERS AND THEIR PARENTS TOO : Lost your manners? Here’s how kids can find them at home

There aren’t many kids today who understand the concept of minding their “Ps and Qs.� For that matter, there may not be many parents who can claim a firm grasp on manners nowadays. So what’s a parent to do?

Fret not. Just in time for the holidays--which can call for formal family dinners requiring proper etiquette--come two videos made expressly for the younger set: the Parents’ Choice award-winning Amazing Advantage for Kids: What Every Kid Should Know About Manners and Etiquette and It’s Just Good Manners.

Both videos use humor to make their points.

Producers of both tapes were motivated by experiences with children who didn’t seem to know the basic rules of etiquette.

For “Amazing� producer Alan Green, who is based in Irvine, daily life with the two eldest of his five children (then 6 and 8, now 15 and 17) was a primary factor. For “Good Manners� producer Gene McKay, who lives in Atlanta, a fishing trip two years ago with his nephews and their friends provided inspiration.

McKay was surprised to find the boys were unfamiliar with basic table manners.

Green agrees that table manners are the biggest problems for his children. “I realized as parents we didn’t even know the rules,� he says, “so we learned them and put them in a form that would be easy to teach kids and be fun for them.� Both Green and McKay found precious little information on etiquette designed for kids. “One book I found was Dear Ms. Demeanor by Mary Mitchell from 1994,� McKay says.

McKay says he’s read “every book ever written on etiquette.�

Armed with heavy research, Green and partner Joshua Swenson began teaching a course in 1986 called “Mind Your Manners� at the Four Seasons Hotel in Newport Beach in 1986. The popular five-week course ran for three years.

“We took all the information we’d gathered and developed a course that combined humor and etiquette,� Green says. “Eventually, when the courses ended in 1989, we realized we’d both thought of making it more accessible to more people.�

Finally, in 1994, Green and Swenson produced “Amazing� as three 20-minute videos (“How Do You Do Your How Do You Do’s?,� “Slurps, Burps and Spills!� and “What Do You Tell a Phone?� originally $15 each). This month they release the combined titles into a single video.

“Kids today really aren’t learning respect and consideration for others,� Green explains, which is the real message he hopes will come across, along with the basic rules of politeness.

“It’s a really simple concept actually,� Green notes. “If kids learned to treat others with respect and consideration, make others feel good inside, the world would be a nicer place.� Also, he adds, polite, considerate children become more comfortable in social situations, making them feel self-confident, “a tremendous advantage to learn at a young age.�

“Self-esteem and confidence are keys to being comfortable in situations,� confirms McKay. He used focus groups to determine what kids needed to know. In “It’s Just Good Manners,� Eddie Cat (Ellis Adames) shows kids the ropes.

McKay, now the father of a 20-month-old, hopes to pass on some of the techniques: introductions, respecting property, dining out and phone manners.

As Green puts it: “One thing we learned and firmly believe is that manners are really taught by modeling rather than instruction,� so parents must learn to take the lead.

“I’ve found that parents truly don’t have the time or knowledge to teach children manners,� McKay says. “But parents have faith, though, in their children’s love of video. I think they’ll learn better by watching video.�

“Amazing Advantage for Kids: What Every Kid Should Know About Manners and Etiquette� (SwensonGreen Prods. 60 mins. $20); to order, call (714) 786-1938. “It’s Just Good Manners� (Mind Your Manners, Inc. 20 mins. $20); available at Bergstroms or call (800) 552-0043. For ages 4 and up.