Holy rollers:We previously mentioned that there are...

Holy rollers:

We previously mentioned that there are 16 motorists in California who are identified as Jesus Christ on their driver’s licenses, including one in Santa Monica. But we made a fundamental error of journalism by prematurely curtailing our investigation. And, so, the latest Harper’s Magazine Index scooped us with this finding: There’s also a California driver named Jesus Christ II.

Shouldn’t that be Jesus Christ Jr.?

HOPE YOU’RE ENJOYING YOUR DAY OFF: What--you had to work? But today is Thanksgiving, according to the calendar that Gregg Stockdale of San Dimas picked up on a visit to Michigan. Maybe there’s a 168-hour difference between the time zones.

SURFUS INTERRUPTUS: Anyone believing that hang-tenners are a carefree group should consult “Sick Surfers Ask the Surf Docs & Dr. Geoff.� We were drawn to it by the 87-degree weather.

The book’s chapter titles include:

* “About Face: Surfers Who Hate�

* “Penis . . .� (you’ll have to buy the book if you want to know the rest of the title)

* “Bumps and Lumps: Think of It as a Beauty Mark�

* “Flatulence . . .� (see “Penis� for instructions about full title.)

* “Warts: Toadman’s Blues�

* “Resin Fumes: Styrene Dreams�

* “Allergies: Snotty Surfers�

We’ll never again have to be told twice to leave a surfers-only section of the ocean.

SURF RUGS: “Baldness and Hair Loss,� another chapter, contains this moondogger’s question: “Do you know anyone with a hair replacement system that surfs, and if you do, can you tell me if it holds up in decent-sized waves?� (It’s a question we’ve idly wondered about, inasmuch as we have a chrome dome.)

The doctor / authors, Mark Renneker, Kevin Starr and Geoff Booth, say they’ve heard that ersatz curls can withstand heavy surf but recommend “wearing a neoprene hood or cap.�

They also offer another option: “Have a sex-change operation. As outrageous as this option sounds, we include it as a way of bringing out the fact that without testosterone--the male hormone produced by the testes--baldness is uncommon.�

Plus, you wouldn’t have to worry about one of the above chapters.

DUELING SIGNS: We found a hotel in the City of Commerce that seems to have a temporary identity crisis. Maybe one of the signs is on Michigan time.

miscelLAny Screenwriters all over town are no doubt hammering out stories about the U.S. Marine who survived 36 hours in the Arabian Sea after falling off an aircraft carrier the other day. He survived, his father said Wednesday, because he turned his trousers into a life preserver by tying knots in the legs and filling them with air. Well, the Marine’s name--Zachary Mayo--does have proven star appeal, points out film buff Jeff Bliss. It was also the name of the Richard Gere character in the movie, “An Officer and a Gentleman.�