Near-Death Purrs”Petted by the Light” by L.A....

Near-Death Purrs

“Petted by the Light” by L.A. writers Patrick Tobin and Christine Doley is an inspiring new book that reveals “the most profound and complete feline near-death experiences ever.”

As the introduction puts it: “Animals know a heavenly light awaits. This is why they get that frozen stare at headlights. These poor creatures believe they are on their way to meet their maker. And they usually are, unless your brakes are really good.”

Some of the cats in the book share their brief glimpses of heaven, i.e., a town with store names like Lame Birds R Us. And there are revelations of feline hell, i.e., “a catwalk, literally! . . . The platform was made up of hundreds of cats all squished together,” with the animals being trampled by (human) fashion models in high heels.

Skeptics may question the quotes attributed to the animals. But the book maintains that this work of parazoology gives “the answer to the mystery that has baffled mankind for centuries: ‘What happens to Fluffy after she crawls into the engine on a cold winter night, and Daddy sets off for a beer run, thinking that the horrible, wailing, grinding noise from the hood was the transmission?’ ”

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NORTH OF 310: Danny DeVito’s mention of Tarzana in “Get Shorty” inspired us to release a list of great movie quotes about the San Fernando Valley the other day. But Julie Mazur points out that we omitted “Pulp Fiction,” a film in which hit men Samuel Jackson and John Travolta suddenly find themselves driving in the Valley with a disposal problem--a really dead body in the back seat. Jackson picks up the car phone and tells Travolta, “I’m calling my partner in Toluca Lake.” To which Travolta responds: “Where’s Toluca Lake?” Jackson explains it’s near Burbank and then adds: “I ain’t got no other partners in 818.”

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VOICE FROM THE PAST: Los Angeles magazine is sending out subscription pitches that include a note from Robert Sam Anson. He’s the guy who was named editor earlier this year and proceeded to fire numerous staffers. Anson’s blurb says, in part: “We have new writers and columnists. . . . A new look.”

And the look is getting newer all the time. Since he wrote the note, Disney has announced plans to buy Capital Cities/ABC, the parent company of L.A. magazine. And Anson and the magazine have come to what was termed “a parting of the ways.”

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THE UPS AND DOWNS OF CREDIT CARDS: Diane Trappen of Torrance relates that the day after she purchased some roller skates, she “drove to the beach and was just zipping along, leaning forward as told, when all of a sudden I landed on my derriere. I went to the Day Care Emergency station and found I had sprained my wrist and my back.”

She adds that “having charged my skates and my emergency, I really laughed when I received my Visa charge bill” (see excerpt), which gives a sort of chain-reaction recitation of the incident.

miscelLAny:

City Councilman Marvin Braude has proposed that the council ask the Federal Aviation Administration to limit helicopters from flying any lower than 500 feet above the ground in the vicinity of O.J. Simpson’s Brentwood estate. The helicopters, Braude said, cause “both intrusive levels of noise and the interruption of the privacy of [Simpson’s] neighbors.” Plus, they might also annoy Simpson if he wanted to go out on his front lawn and practice chip shots with his 3-wood.