OK, but Does He Qualify for a Pension?

LAPD’s Officer Lesis doing a heck of a job, and all he does is sit there all day, the big dummy.

You never know where you will see the quiet lawman. On any particular day, his emotionless features put black-and-white fever into the hearts of speeders and stop-sign scofflaws anywhere from Hollywood to Venice.

He may seem stiff. Some people think he is a stiff. “We’ve had some calls saying a guy’s dying in the car,� said Sgt. John Hone.

In fact, Officer Les, a one-year veteran of the West Bureau’s traffic squad, has made police work a second career. He is a retired department store mannequin, his car a worn-out cruiser unfit for regular use.

The cops use him as a decoy when neighborhood groups complain about dangerous traffic conditions. Once he is in place, traffic officers can go on to deal with other problems.

“It’s very effective,� said Lt. Jim Miller, day watch commander for the West Traffic Bureau. “We’re doing more with Les.�

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BLOWING SMOKE: Santa Monica City Councilwoman Ruth Ebner likes to slip away from the dais during meetings for a smoke break. The other night, her political opponents made her pay for it.

Ebner was barely out of her seat Tuesday when Councilman Ken Genser interrupted the proceedings to announce the departure and insist on her return.

With an “I’m telling� tone in her voice, Councilwoman Judy Abdo administered the coup de grace: She pointed out that Ebner had stopped to talk to the press. (This is considered even worse than smoking in some circles.)

Ebner came back. Later, still feeling the need for nicotine, she made another move for the exit. Rearing up in his seat, Genser called for an immediate break.

“I never knew I had so much power,� Ebner said.

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ATTN. SEA CREATURES: Malibu is coming to your rescue.

The City Council spoke out Monday against an experiment in which scientists from the Scripps Institution of Oceanography plan to broadcast low-frequency sound waves 3,000 feet under the surface off the coast of Northern California.

Some scientists say the plan, designed to measure the effects of global warming, could harm marine mammals that rely on sound to navigate and find food--and Malibu is having none of it.

“We must look at all forms of life as sacred,� said Mayor Joan House.

Although the resolution was largely symbolic, officials said they hope the high-profile name of their beach city will help the cause.