Moving Mental Illness Out of the Closet

By SCOTT HARRIS

April 30, 1995 12 AM PT

The women had repaired to the den and the kitchen. A small boy squalled in the hallway, too young to explain why. In the living room stood the men, all wearing yarmulkes. They recited prayers in Hebrew and English.

The survivors of David and Carolyn Zipp, and their youngest son, Scott, were observing shiva, a weeklong ritual of mourning. Family was receiving friends at Carolyn’s father’s apartment in Reseda.

Steve Zipp, 39, is hoping that somehow, some way, a blessing would emerge from their grief. It was for this reason he wanted to tell the story--so that others may learn from his parents’ mistakes. The lesson, he suggests, might be summed up in a few words.

“Mental illness has to come out of the closet.”

“Father’s Suicide Drove Son to Kill Self, Mother,” declared the headline in The Times on April 22. The subhead was less definitive: “Police say trouble started during an argument, but authorities add they may never unravel the full story.”

There were no witnesses. Guns were found beside David and Scott. Autopsies indicated that David, 60, had died first, then his ex-wife Carolyn, 58, and then Scott, 29. But the coroner’s office also told Steve Zipp that such determinations are not an exact science, leaving room for speculation. Police, in fact, initially told Steve that it had appeared that Scott’s murder of his mother and his suicide prompted his father’s actions. Then again, Steve acknowledges, his father had reasons to be depressed. He had a heart ailment that would requiresurgery and, more important, Scott’s psychiatric problems had taken a toll on everyone.

No, the story of what happened that night will never be known. Not that it matters much. Not that it would bring anybody back. Besides, as Steve suggests, the full story goes back many, many years. Where to begin?

To review the family’s history, Steve suggests, is to detect a thread of mental illness on his father’s side. David and Carolyn had four sons--Steve, Jeffrey, Michael and Scott. Of the four, only Steve and Michael survive.

Jeffrey died of a self-inflicted gunshot wound on Feb. 14, 1977, at the age of 19. Steve doesn’t know if it was accidental or suicide; the bullet wound was at the side of his torso. Jeffrey, according to Steve, exhibited many of the radical mood swings and other symptoms that Scott showed.

The brothers, Steve says, were never lacking for love from their parents. There were many happy times. The problem, in Steve’s telling, was that Mom and Dad didn’t know how to love their troubled sons.

Scott was about 10 when Jeffrey died, but for many years the parents continued to view their youngest’s temperamental ways as “a phase,” Steve recalled. They ignored the possibility that their Scotty, as family and friends called him, had an illness, as if ashamed of the possibility. Instead, they would make up excuses for his violent tantrums, suggesting that he “had too much sugar,” or “other kids were picking on him.” Sometimes, Steve said, his parents would even blame the weather--and it didn’t matter whether the day was hot or cold.

“The first time Scotty was to a shrink he was maybe 17,” Steve recalled. Long before then, and long after, his parents allowed him to treat them like “a doormat.” Steve says he would try to counsel his parents--but that would only create new tensions.

Steve says he hopes he’s learned from his parents what not to do. Steve and his wife, Barbara--sweethearts since teen-age years--have a 14-year-old daughter, Shifra, and a 10-year-old son, Joshua.

“I think families have to learn tough love at an early age,” Steve said. “. . . You can’t be embarrassed if you think you have to call someone who knows more than you.”

Steve’s tone was often angry. But only three weeks ago, Scott had joined Steve’s family for a few days in Big Bear. Scott taught his niece how to ski. Everybody had a great time, Steve said. But a few days after he returned to his mother’s house, Scott’s violent temper returned. That was one of the reasons their father was visiting--to try to help his ex-wife cope with Scott’s troubles.

Steve tries to remember the good times and hopes something may be salvaged from the bad. If just one family could learn to confront their problems, he says, that would be “a tremendous mitzvah-- a blessing.”

Religious devotion is another way Steve differs from his parents. Judaism wasn’t so important in the home in which he was raised, the home he left as soon as he turned 18. It was after witnessing his daughter’s birth, Steve says, that he found he could no longer doubt God’s existence and goodness.

At a time like this, he says, family and faith are a comfort.

“I have two beautiful children. A strong wife. A strong sense that God knows what he’s doing.

“God doesn’t give us more than we can handle.”

Steve wanted people to know how to seek help. To find the county mental health center closest to your home, the number for information is (818) 364-4340.

Scott Harris’ column appears Tuesdays, Thursdays and Sundays. Readers may write to Harris at the Times Valley Edition, 20000 Prairie St., Chatsworth, Calif. 91311. Please include a phone number. Address TimesLink or Prodigy e-mail to YQTU59A ( via the Internet: [email protected]).

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