Cancel My One O’Clock With Cristophe!

While Hillary Rodham Clinton works to solve the country’s health crisis, someone else has been toiling to replicate her hairdo--in Advanced Elura Synthetic. The new “Hillary Wig� is styled in a modified pageboy and comes with a detachable hair band (for pre- and post-Cristophe looks).

The $175 wig arrived Thursday at Cal East in Beverly Hills, which is frequented by the studios. George Mayer, whose New York-based Jacquelyn Wigs is the first on the market with Hillary hair, is convinced he’s on to something. “The so-called fashion mavens of this world may have sneered at Hillary’s taste in clothes and hairstyles,� he says “but the average American woman admires and wants to emulate her.�

While we covet Mrs. Clinton’s brainpower, we’re holding out for something bigger and blonder--like maybe the “Tipper Wig.�

Couture, Who Needs It?: The closing of the legendary Martha on Park Avenue is just another sign that women today, no matter how rich, have fallen out of love with one-of-a-kind dressing. Today’s well-exercised woman doesn’t require couture’s meticulous engineering to conceal figure flaws, one retailer told the Wall Street Journal this week. Case in point: at a barbecue for Hollywood types last weekend, the costume of choice for young women was a flowered, cotton shift: no darts, no lining and--critical to pulling off an inexpensive number like this--no flab.

And So It Goes: Yes, that was Linda Ellerbee hosting “Masterpiece Theatre� this week on PBS. Ellerbee’s newly chic look--thin, sans glasses, stylishly cropped hair, simple dark suit--made it hard to concentrate on the show. By comparison, Lynn Redgrave’s character, a newswoman who’s lost her looks, her lover, a bit of her sanity and nearly her job, seemed a whimpering mass of nerve endings, frumpily dressed to boot. She could learn a thing or two from Ellerbee, who’s ridden out the vicissitudes of life and can still make her eyes do that twinkle thing.

Serious Fashion: Scholars who gathered at UC Davis last week for a conference on “Style, Fashion & the Negotiation of Identities� were slightly flustered when asked by a journalist to describe how the clothing they were wearing served to negotiate their own identities.

“I would love to talk about my clothes,� enthused a beautifully dressed art professor, stroking her lapel. Unfortunately, she explained, it was problematic. How could she discuss her own clothes without entering into a narcissistic discourse?

Air Mailing Grace: Topping our list of cheap thrills these days are sheets of Grace Kelly stamps. In the black-and-white portrait, which also appears on stamps issued by the kingdom of Monaco, the princess wears a debutante hairdo, pearl earrings and matching choker. “It’s a pretty stamp,� concedes Marshall Goldberg of Advance Stamp Co. in Beverly Hills, “but it’s like the Elvis stamp--the post office made millions of them. They’re only good for postage.� Well, yes, that’s what we bought them for . . .

Shopping Notes: Emporio Armani opened this week in Beverly Hills . . . QVC, in partnership with Mexico’s largest media company, Grupo Televisa S.A., announced it will offer television shopping in Spanish to Spanish-speaking areas in the United States . . . Array, which was described by a spokeswoman as “the poor man’s Fred Segal,� opened in Santa Monica not with a fashion show, but with a poetry reading. That’s one way to make us stay home.

Enter the Perky Do: Don’t tell Jacquelyn Wigs’ George Mayer, but Hillary’s demure, serious pageboy is pretty much obsolete. Face it, George, who wants to look like a wonk, when she can look like Sharon Stone? All it takes is a Flip. “Wearing hair under is very dated,� says Joseph Kendall, owner of JosephMartin Salon in Beverly Hills. “It’s so heavy and serious.� With a flip cut, you can blow the ends up with a big round brush. (Set your Hillary Wig in hot rollers to change direction; a curling iron will melt it.)

We can almost hear Ann-Marie now, whining, “Donald! “

A White Wedding? Not likely for Jean Kasem, wife of Casey, who bought 23 items at last Saturday’s silent auction to benefit Otis Institute of Design, a total of $14,500. Look for her to turn up in seven different versions of designer Albert Capraro’s big white fantasy ball gowns. And you thought those poufy dresses went out with the ‘80s.