THE NBA / MARK HEISLER : They May Be Fighting Resolutionary War for a Year

New Year’s resolutions, guaranteed until Jan. 2, or the first provocation:

Charles Barkley--From now on, I’m going to let my game do the talking. Hey, c’mon back! How many members of Armon Gilliam’s family does it take to change a light bulb? Doesn’t basketball have a disproportionate impact on contemporary society? Why did Harold Katz cross the road? What Angolan?

Benoit Benjamin--I don’t care if they won’t play me, I’m keeping my mouth shut. For $3 million a year, they bought themselves a lot of maturity.

Jerry Tarkanian--I’ll never complain about the NCAA again. In retrospect, it wasn’t that bad.

Red McCombs--I promise to hire a known commodity next time, or one of these times.

Charlie Thomas--I’ll never question Hakeem Olajuwon’s credibility again, at least until I sell the team. Anyone with $85 million, please call (713) 627-0600. OK, $75 million.

Donald Carter--I’m sticking to my principles. We’re going to run this franchise on the high moral note we always have.

Richie Adubato--What doesn’t kill me makes me stronger, or so they tell me. I’ll let you know.

Don Nelson--This time I’m definitely getting a big man. Someone 6-7, at least.

Michael Jordan--I’ll never interfere with my general manager or coach again, just as soon as Scottie and I get Phil to sit B.J. Armstrong down.

Scottie Pippen--Whatever Mike says.

Phil Jackson--Amen to that.

Derrick Coleman--I’m never going to say another bad thing about------,------and especially that worthless piece of garbage,------, ever again.

Chris Morris--Whatever Derrick says, I think.

Chuck Daly--If NBC ever calls again, I’m theirs.

Bob Ferry--I promise I’ll be controversial this year. When’s our first show? Oh, last week?

Anthony Mason, John Starks and Greg Anthony--We promise never to elbow, shove, tackle, curse, low bridge, talk trash to, throw water at or drive our cars over anyone again. Now can we go back in?

Pat Riley--This year it’s about mellowing, but wake me for the playoffs.

Sherman Douglas--I’ll never leave the team again unless I have a really good reason. We signed John Bagley? I’m out of here.

Harold Miner--Stay in school. It’s your best move.

Jim Jackson--I hear you.

Doug Christie--Even if you have to go to grad school.

Shaquille O’Neal--I’m going to continue to walk humbly as long as it’s appropriate. Another two weeks should do it.

Alonzo Mourning--I’m going to be in everyone’s face as long as I can get away with it. Another two weeks should do it.

Christian Laettner--Resolutions? Moi? I’m rich, I’m famous, I’m good, what else does a young man need? All right, a personality.

Mike Dunleavy--Was it this cold when I lived here before?

Larry Brown--I’m through with this Father Flanagan stuff. No more reforming head cases or reducing whales. You think Ralph Sampson has a season left in him? I mean, just as a backup?

Magic Johnson--I’m never coming back. I mean it this time, I think.

COOL HAND LUKE

IS BACK IN TOWN

Several words could describe McCombs’ hiring of John Lucas as Spurs coach:

Exciting.

Heart-warming. Nobody has paid the kind of dues Lucas has, rising from the cocaine addiction that ruined his career to start a program that helped salvage many others, recently Lloyd Daniels and the Suns’ Richard Dumas.

Imaginative. Lucas’ only coaching experience was in the rinky-dink United States Basketball League, where be bought a team for the players in his detox program.

The brash Lucas has awakened the sleeping Spurs, letting players run some timeouts, expanding the role of Sean Elliott, even challenging David Robinson, whom he considered out of shape.

Said a chagrined Robinson, after panting his way to 21 points, 18 rebounds and eight blocks in Lucas’ debut: “I hate to admit it, he may be right.”

Lucas has the same talent limitations and psyche-scarred veterans who scuttled Tarkanian so here’s hoping. Here’s someone who deserves a happy ending.

Says Lucas: “I believe in miracles. I am one.”

BLUE CHRISTMAS

WITHOUT YOU

There is no joy in Portland, where the Trail Blazers went 7-7 after their 8-0 start and toppled all the way to third place.

Remember the stories about how the Trail Blazers weren’t panicking after losing their first game?

Now they’re getting ready.

What’s wrong?

Clyde Drexler’s arthroscoped knee wasn’t supposed to be 100% until December. It’s almost January and his scoring average is down from 25 to 20, his shooting from 48% to 42%.

He was still averaging 35 minutes, which is how he wants it. In Portland, what Clyde wants, Clyde gets.

Finally, with the community in full-throated alarm, Drexler said he would take time off.

“It’s obvious to me and everybody else that Clyde’s not the same player,” says Mychal Thompson, now a Portland radio personality.

“He can’t jump like he does. He doesn’t have the burst to the basket. All it shows, they’re ruining his knee.

“If I’m not mistaken, this is just December. The Blazers probably have a pretty good chance of making the playoffs without him.

“This is not smart thinking.”

FACES AND FIGURES

Sunset, sunrise: Within six days, the Bulls managed to lose at home to the 76ers, then beat the Knicks on Christmas night. The Bulls are in so much trouble for depth, they lament the loss of Cliff Levingston, the humble but energetic reserve they let go. “We don’t have a Cliff Levingston,” Jordan said, “someone who’s enthusiastic and lives strictly off emotion and helps keep the team involved.” . . . Scott Williams vowed to become the next Levingston-type fiery leader but several days later, he asked to be traded, angered that the team refused to guarantee his contract for the rest of this season. “I just thought it would have been a pleasant gesture for them, to have them come to me,” Williams said. “But if they ask me now, it’s too late.” . . . He’s serious, but you know what, he’s right: Jordan, on his recent shooting slump: “It’s good, because if you don’t go through something like this, it’s hard to be humble.” The next two games, he scored 57 and 42 points.

They call him Mr. Perspective: Riley, sentenced to playing on Christmas night: “You’ve got to play, but I’d rather be home like everyone else, like any other sane human being on Christmas. But they’ve got to make money. Who’s they? The NBA.” . . . Riley, you may remember, was fined for practicing his team last New Year’s Day. . . . Team of the future: Washington General Manager John Nash, bragging on Pervis Ellison, Harvey Grant, Tom Gugliotta, Michael Adams and Rex Chapman: “In the not too distant future, we’re looking at our five starters being capable of playing in an All-Star game.” . . . Or maybe not: Washington Coach Wes Unseld, watching Ellison and Grant get flattened: “Any team we play could go inside on us. We have the lightest team in the league. It’s no secret. We can’t defend the post.”

Oh yes they can: Dominique Wilkins, bristling after watching his teammates go 1-4 without him including a rout in Atlanta by the Hornets: “You can’t let a team do that to you in your own building. You can’t let them laugh at you. You can’t let them play with you. You can’t let them showboat on you.” . . . Homers no longer: Miami, which couldn’t play on the road last year, can’t play anywhere this season. A 28-13 team at home last season, the Heat went into the weekend 4-6, including a loss to the Hawks without Wilkins and a loss to the Nets without Derrick Coleman. . . . Heat No. 1 pick Harold Miner, unable to play defense to Coach Kevin Loughery’s satisfaction, is the No. 4 guard and will fall to No. 5 when Steve Smith returns. “I guess he has his opinion,” Miner said. “I think I hold my own on defense. I don’t see it as a big problem or anything.” . . . Coach Chris Ford is upset Celtic management let Sherman Douglas take off and return without sanction. Ford said he didn’t like “the things that came out--me not being able to communicate with players and losing control of the ship.” . . . It’s not quite payback but it’s a start: Fired Spur coach Jerry Tarkanian says he will keep his contractually guaranteed San Antonio hotel suite and company car for the rest of the season.