REPORT CARD / T.J. SIMERS : Type AB Positive

B+: QUARTERBACKS

Dan Fouts started the ’87 season at QB, Babe Laufenberg in ‘88, Jim McMahon in ‘89, Mark Vlasic in ‘90, John Friesz in ‘91, Bob Gagliano in ’92. And Stan Humphries in ‘93?

A: RUNNING BACKS

Here’s your choice if you’re a defensive player: You can either get run over by Marion Butts or look like a fool trying to tackle Ronnie Harmon. Is retirement an option?

A: RECEIVERS

For those in the area of San Diego Jack Murphy Stadium who were wondering about that massive fireworks dislay, Anthony Miller and Nate Lewis caught the ball.

A-: OFFENSIVE LINE

Tune into the Montel Williams Show this week to the hear the story about “Large Men Who Make Lots of Money Because No One Wants To Tackle Marion Butts.�

B-: DEFENSIVE LINE

Mets trade David Cone to Toronto for nobody. Maybe Broncos will give up John Elway for George Thornton. Worth a try. Someone said Chris Mims started and played a whole bunch.

B: LINEBACKERS

Burt Grossman couldn’t play, so that left his good buddy Junior Seau to maintain the tradition of jumping offside. Steve Hendrickson just keeps making big plays.

B-: DEFENSIVE BACKS

Hail Mary before halftime befuddles Chargers; they thought they were only supposed to say them when Donald Frank is on field. Gill Byrd and Floyd Fields celebrate Salute to Military night by pounding Flipper Anderson.

A: SPECIAL TEAMS

John Carney for President.

A: COACHING

Yes, sir, time to get that Charger Girls Calendar. No, no, not for the pictures. For those playoff dates.