Little Things Add Up to 10 : Jan-Marie Wells of Irvine gets down to the nitty-gritty of hygiene and manners for men.

By DENNIS McLELLAN

July 30, 1992 12 AM PT

TIMES STAFF WRITER

So here’s the deal, guys. You think you’ve got it together and that you’re the apple of your significant other’s eye. You dress well--at least at work, where it counts, right? You take a shower every day. Gargle. Keep both your fingernails and toenails trimmed. You even remember her birthday.

But do you ever wonder why your serious relationships with women fizzle out? And have you ever sat down and honestly asked yourself, “Would I date me? “

That’s the question Jan-Marie Wells of Irvine poses in her tongue-in-cheek, but let’s seriously get down to basics book, “Is He Really a 10?” (R&E; Publishers; $6.95).

The book, Wells says, is designed to give both married and single men insight into how to “keep the fires burning and the romance alive forever.”

According to Wells and the women she has talked to, a man is definitely not a 10 if he:

* Has the table manners of a barbarian--smacking his lips, talking with his mouth full and holding his fork like a shovel. (“Proper table manners add a lot of polish.”)

* Is pouty and silent when he’s upset over something instead of airing his grievances. (“Silence is not golden in this case.”)

* Loses control and yells or screams at the woman he loves. (“A real man does not get out of control.”)

* Grabs a toothpick on the way out of that fancy restaurant and spends the next hour dislodging the food stuck between his teeth. (“Have floss, will travel!”)

* Salts his vocabulary with four-letter words. (“This is a total turn-off and shows he has no class”).

* Has a swivel head, checking out every woman who passes by. (“This is fine as long as he’s not in the company of another woman.”)

* Tends to be overpossessive and jealous. (“She wants someone in control of his emotions.”)

* Doesn’t help around the house. (“Relationships that work are like a good football game--it’s called teamwork.”)

It’s not a pretty picture, guys. And it only gets uglier. Knock off more points from your own personal “10” score if you:

Hawk, spit, chew gum, continuously snuffle or pick your nose, crack your knuckles or clean your ears with your finger.

The bottom line as Wells sees it: Too much familiarity simply breeds contempt.

“The book is like a toolbox full of little tidbits of information to help polish men,” says Wells. “I want men to have the best possible chance to have a successful relationship with the woman of their choice. And if they’re rough around the edges, the book will smooth out what it needs to smooth out.”

So what qualifies Wells to dispense such advice?

She was married for 10 years and has been single for 17, although, she says, “I’ve met what I consider to be a 10 right now.”

(To be fair, guys, Wells’ perfect “10,” Vernon Will, made sure he read her book before asking her out. “That was a must, to figure out what her expectations were,” he says. Did he identify with any of the book’s list of no-noes? “None that I’d want to admit to.”)

Although Wells has tapped her own experiences with men, her primary credential for writing the book is this: She has been a hairdresser for more than 20 years, “so I’ve had my ears filled, as you might well imagine.

“Women will sit and discuss things: ‘You know, the guy was perfect if only-- if only he had done this or hadn’t done that.’ ”

Not surprisingly, a lot of women have bought Wells’ book.

“I’ve actually had them highlight the things that need to be worked on, wrap it in plain paper and mail it anonymously to someone who needs guidance,” she says. “Men don’t like to change, but they sure like to improve, and if you give them the challenge, they’ll work on it.”

Wells is not sure why so many men need guidance in the social graces, but she has a theory: “Boys are raised to play with boys. They play ball together. They go out and drink and party together, they’re rowdy together. But nobody has taught them how to be with a woman.”

In taking on that task, Wells maintains that she’s not trying to berate men or put them down. “I just want them to be happy. And if men are having problems in their relationship, they need to look at themselves and decide if they’d date themselves. In other words: ‘Am I a desirable entity?’ ”

Most men, Wells believes, “need some work.”

“Men sell themselves short by not realizing what’s important to women,” she says. “The things that are most important to women are the things that most men do not even think about as being important to women.”

Such as?

“Shining their shoes, their hygiene, smelling good. . . . It’s the little, meticulous things that are the important things. A woman wants to be proud when she goes out. She doesn’t want to be embarrassed by how he looks.”

And a man’s clothes needn’t be expensive, she says. “He can even be a rough-and-tumble guy in a pair of Levi’s and a polo shirt, but just make sure they’re clean and pressed.”

Neatness, Wells emphasizes, is “a real stickler with most women. In other words, a woman wants to be with a man who has a good presence about him: When he walks into a room, he stands tall, has good posture and exudes confidence. He’s smelling good, looking nice.”

And if a man’s not really attractive, she says, “he can be sexy just by the clothes he wears. He can wear patterned, sexy socks and a pair of nice loafers, and he can look sexy. A lot of men look at life in the big picture. Women are more detailed. They pay attention to those things.”

But the most important thing a man must have, Wells says, is integrity.

“If you don’t respect a man, you can’t love him,” she says.