More than one football coach has penned...

More than one football coach has penned newspaper stories criticizing his team on the locker-room wall to inspire his players. On the eve of the Trojans-Bruins game, USC’s Larry Smith may be the first to post a page from a telephone directory.

We kid you not: On page 10 of Pac Bell’s “Smart� Yellow Pages for the Beverly Hills/Westside area, there is a section on UCLA headlined: “L.A.’s Premier University.� The school is referred to as a “local treasure.�

How could a public utility take such a position? Was the propaganda smuggled into the directory by a Bruin alum at Pac Bell? Spokesman Michael Runzler isn’t sure. But, he said, “this was obviously written by someone who’s never had the benefit of visiting USC.�

Runzler is a Trojan alum.

The phone book’s UCLA testimonial could be what athletes call “pay-back� for a bizarre Pac Bell ZIP Code map in a recently issued Airport Area directory. The map labels the campus above Westwood as that well-known local treasure, “USC.�

If you had any doubts about how difficult it is to stay in style in L.A., consider the license plate that reader Steve Morris saw on a Mercedes Benz. Its plaintive message was:

REQDNLA.

For some reason, Mercedes Benz sightings make us think of Beverly Hills. In that burg, the trendy store Camp Beverly Hills is holding a Thanksgiving food drive for the homeless--and having little success.

What’s more (or, less), some of the contributions left in the bins by the store entrance haven’t exactly been staples, said spokeswoman Tracy Marsh. She added: “We’ve gotten sauerkraut, pickles, jalapeno jelly and sliced button mushrooms.�

Well, they are REQD in Beverly Hills.

We were surprised to read of the recent cutbacks of the staff of Geraldo Rivera’s “Now It Can Be Told� TV show. His staff of investigators has already built up quite a reputation. For instance, awhile back one of the show’s sleuths phoned a Times reporter and asked him how to reach City Councilman Zev Yaroslavsky.

Norman Sklarewitz of North Hollywood characterizes the following as “possible evidence of congressional cutbacks on foreign aid.�

He saw a motor scooter on La Cienega Boulevard that had a consular license plate.

Don’t tell Santa:

The Burbank branch of Ikea, the Scandinavian furniture retailer, serves up this dish in its cafeteria:

“Reindeer Platter� ($3.75).

miscelLAny:

The longest distance ever walked on stilts was 3,008 miles from L.A. to Bowen, Ky., by Joe Bowen in 1980. It took him five months.