A Phony Phone Pitch That Takes the Prize

For every consumer affairs column that appears in the newspaper we get a lot of mail and information that we never write about. No longer: We will devote an occasional column to examining noteworthy products and services new to the marketplace. Here is the first installment:

A Nimble Entrepreneur Award goes to Consolidated Counselling Services (CCS), some telemarketers who found a new way to make the federal government work for them. According to the Federal Trade Commission, the company phoned consumers who had already been victimized by other telemarketing companies, and offered (for $175 to $350) to help them get the prizes they’d been promised but never received.

Calling nationwide, CCS claimed to be working with the “FTA,� or “Federal Telemarketing Agency,� which CCS said had taken action against the original companies. It even sent consumers a confirming letter on that fictional agency’s letterhead, plus documents saying they were entitled to a stereo, a television set, or maybe $10,000 in cash and prizes.

Although impressed by the audacity of the pitch, the FTC filed a complaint against CCS in U.S. District Court in Los Angeles. For telemarketing fraud, naturally.

Consider the spread of VCR Plus, a programming device for everyone incapable of programming VCRs. It’s available almost nationwide for about $60 and should sell a million by its November anniversary.

User-friendly isn’t use-ready, of course. One must “dedicate� the unit, setting the time and date, putting in the given code for the VCR brand used, putting in the local TV or cable channel numbers, going to get something to eat, putting in a given code number for the cable box brand. Then, for each recording, one looks up the PlusCode for whatever one wants to record, punches it into the VCR Plus, goes to get something to eat, punches some more buttons, puts the thing near the TV.

Then one needs a separate device for each VCR, plus a publication that prints PlusCodes. No matter: it sure beats programming the VCR itself.

The only question is why VCR manufacturers didn’t come up with their own automation--an easy, built-in way to set and program the things. We didn’t buy separate controls to automate our washing machines. When normal people couldn’t handle F-stops and shutter speeds, camera manufacturers came up with auto-focus, auto-flash cameras. What happened to in-house R&D;?

We’re supposed to welcome the Must-Know Man, a new “male psychographic� category. He’s a “hands-on man . . . with broad interests, involvements and influence,� according to Yankelovich, Skelly & White/Clancy, Shulman, which invented him for Popular Mechanics magazine. Here’s the point: Must-Know Men, only 18 million strong, influence the buying decisions of 85 million others, i.e. a marketer’s dream.

Other people supposedly turn to these men for information on just about everything--cars, appliances, insurance, computers, phones, paints, plumbing and building equipment. What’s more, these men supposedly read Popular Mechanics. What a surprise.

This conception is unlikely to capture the popular imagination or intellect, like yuppies, or baby boomers. Must-Know Men are Know-it-Alls: out of 19 product categories, they claim to dispense regular advice on some six or seven. They’re even Know-Nothings, described as drawing heavily on advertising, of all things, for information. Do we even want them as neighbors?

Bullock’s, the upscale California-based retailer, and its parent, Macy’s, have a new policy to discourage customer returns. It’s also “a good way to drive away customers,� says a former Bullock’s executive. All returns of women’s and junior dresses must be made within 10 days of purchase--with tags still attached, and only to the store of origin.

This supposedly addresses a real problem: People wear the clothes once, for a special occasion, and return them. But it doesn’t seem much of a solution. Ten days still gives plenty of time to buy something, wear it to a ball, and return it. (Don’t the attached tags themselves discourage wearing: have these people no pride?)

It should also offend the stores’ carriage trade clientele, putting Bullock’s and Macy’s somewhere between Loehmann’s (7 days return) and Kmart (30 days). But it may be a preview of coming attractions: Bullock’s claims competitors are adopting the same policy.

A little environmental breakthrough has been announced: Secret and Sure deodorants, from Procter & Gamble, are shedding their cartons, as certain Prell, Head & Shoulders, and Noxzema products (all P&G;) did before them. It’s called “source reduction�--�the single best solution to the solid waste problem,� says a P&G; publicist.

The announcement includes some impressive figures. A reduction of 80 million cartons a year, saving 6 million pounds of paper pulp. An expenditure of $5 million to $7 million to strengthen the containers for shipping and revamp packing procedures.

What’s missing is any cost savings. The company says it will save nothing, in spite of the pulp and packaging involved and the small one-time investment in design changes. Certainly we save nothing: the retail price on the two deodorants ($2.43 for Secret, $2.29 for Sure at my market) will stay the same. Environmentalism is unpredictable.