Parents Warned of Too Much of Good Things

You’ve worked long and hard, climbed, clawed a little, and finally, you’re there: nice house, cars, designer rags, exotic vacations.

But your children are passive, unmotivated. Insecure.

You may be the problem, psychologist Lee Hausner said during Thursday’s meeting of Roundtable West at the Balboa Bay Club.

“You can be so good to your kids they can’t function independently,� said Hausner, author of “Children of Paradise�--a guide to successful parenting for prosperous families. “It’s not enough for our children to say, ‘I’m OK.’ � They have to be able to say, ‘I’m competent.’ �

During her talk to book club members, Hausner--a psychologist for the Beverly Hills school district--noted that Orange County has the kind of population she describes in her book. “There are so many prosperous households here,� she said. “Any time a family gets beyond paying for the house, clothing and food, it ends up in the risk area I talk about.�

Too often kids from upwardly mobile homes are made to feel incapable, Hausner said. “Their parents seem to want to give them everything they didn’t have as children. And because these parents are prosperous, they’re usually powerful.� So they direct and guide their children to a fault--sparing them the failures they had as kids.

Wrong. In order to feel competent, a children need to make mistakes. That’s how they grow, Hausner said.

And they need to work. “When you give a kid a Porsche and he hasn’t had to work for it, can it mean anything?� she asked. “And what will your child have to aspire to?�

What children need is something money can’t buy, she said: “A sense of achievement.�

Christina Onassis was a perfect example of a child spoiled by affluence. “She had so much she kept trying to fill her life with more excitement, more externals,� Hausner said. “What she really needed was a sense of competency.�

Hausner’s book outlines a nine-step program to help affluent parents develop healthy values in their children. “There is no such thing as a perfect parent,� Hausner said, smiling. “That would be asking too much.�

But parents can learn to respect their children enough to allow them to develop a sense of competency and independence.

Over the weekend: More than 500 guests assembled at the Anaheim Hilton and Towers on Saturday night to pay tribute to Ronald K. Dominguez, executive vice president of Walt Disney Attractions/West Coast. The occasion was the annual Gift of Hope Dinner staged by the Muscular Dystrophy Assn. Dominguez, a tireless booster for MDA, also oversees Disneyland’s Medical Compassionate Program, which provides free Disneyland trips to the terminally ill. . . . Also in Anaheim on Saturday night: the Firefighter Bachelor Auction at the Disneyland Hotel, which raised funds for the Alisa Ann Ruch California Burn Foundation (founded in 1971 in memory of Alisa Ann, an 8-year-old who was fatally burned in a back-yard barbecue accident). Television personalities Tawny Little and Dallas Raines auctioned off dates with firefighters from fire departments throughout the Southland. . . .

The Buzz: A July 20 kickoff luncheon at the Pacific Club is in store for the committee of the Fall Oaks Classic, a grand prix horse show staged by Joan Irvine Smith on behalf of the UCI College of Medicine. We hear Orange County’s creme de la creme plans to attend the Sept. 15 equestrian event, which will feature a traditional hunt breakfast at Smith’s lush Oaks ranch in San Juan Capistrano. Tickets are $100 each for the open-to-the-public affair. According to Smith’s mum, Athalie Clarke, “It will be lovely.� . . . To celebrate its one-year anniversary, supporters of the Richard Nixon Library & Birthplace gathered at the facility on Friday to celebrate in a Chinese-themed ceremony attended by Donald and Dorothy Bendetti, Margaret and Carl Karcher and David and Jeanne Tappan, among others. Afterward, library director John Taylor was host at a private luncheon for guests--including Chinese Ambassador Wang Xue Xian and Madame Wang--at the Lotus Court restaurant in Fullerton. Word’s out that the library will be the site of a Chapman College fund-raiser on Sept. 18. George and Judie Argyros will be the hosts. . . . The Center Stars and the Performing Arts Fraternity will be the special guests of Cartier Inc. at South Coast Plaza when the store launches its new facility with a gala in September. . . . Watch for the Pacific Symphony to announce the formation of a new support group, the Pacific Symphony League. Volunteer powerhouse Janice Johnson is behind this one. . . .