The Kid Could Blow Real Smoke

Big league rosters during World War II were populated by oldtimers and military rejects, and Frank Luksa of the Dallas Times Herald recalled the story about a youngster who tried out for the Chicago Cubs.

The kid told Manager Charlie Grimm that he was 4-F, but he assured Grimm that he could play. Grimm asked him what he could do.

“It depends,� the kid said. “I can throw like Dean, hit like Williams, play the outfield like DiMaggio.�

“You must be nuts,� said Grimm.

“Why do you think I’m 4-F?� asked the kid.

Then there’s the one Lefty Gomez tells about his son.

“When he was a tot,� said Gomez, “one day he wet the bed. I said, ‘Son, Joe DiMaggio never did anything like that.’

“And he said, ‘Oh, yeah, well my idol is Pee Wee Reese.�

From Larry Guest of the Orlando Sentinel, wondering where all the values have gone: “Officials of the National Sporting Goods Assn. say The Refrigerator, a.k.a. William Perry, recently drew the largest crowd to see a celebrity in the 58-year history of their annual trade show in Dallas. Fans waited more than an hour and a half for his autograph. The previous record holder? Pete Rose? Joe Namath? Mickey Mantle? Larry Bird? Nahhh. It was Mr. T.�

Trivia Time: If a Cincinnati outfielder, a Milwaukee guard, a Dallas running back and a Sporting News columnist from Detroit had gotten together in the 1970s and called themselves the Four Seasons, who would they have been? (Answer below.)

Pat Williams doesn’t think the Lakers can do it, so he’s nominating his Philadelphia 76ers as the team to keep the Boston Celtics from winning it all this year.

“L.A. is a good team, but they’re too nice,� the general manager told Anthony Cotton of the Washington Post. “The Lakers are fancy passes and limousines. Us against Boston is a black-eye series. Them against L.A. is a black-tie one.�

Add Celtics: When Bill Walton reported to the club they couldn’t give him the number of his childhood idol, Bill Russell, because No. 6 had been retired. So Walton settled for No. 5. The last Celtic to wear that number was John Thompson, the Georgetown coach.

For What It’s Worth: When Ron Guidry and Willie Randolph were named co-captains of the New York Yankees, they became the seventh and eighth players to captain the club.

The others were Graig Nettles (1982-1984), Thurman Munson (1976-79), Lou Gehrig (1935-41), Everett Scott (1922-25), Roger Peckinpaugh (1914-21) and Babe Ruth for five days in 1922.

Ruth’s term came to a sudden halt when he was suspended and fined $5,000 by Commissioner Kenesaw (Mountain) Landis for participating in an unauthorized barnstorming tour.

From Mike Monroe and Joseph Sanchez of the Denver Post: “If you think Don Nelson isn’t in a class by himself among NBA coaches, consider this: Of the 23 NBA teams, the Bucks have the second-lowest payroll, to Utah, and have the lowest number of players drafted in the top 14 picks. Sidney Moncrief was drafted fifth by the Bucks in 1979, and Terry Cummings was selected second by the Clippers in 1982.�

Trivia Answer: Champ Summers, Brian Winters, Ron Springs and Joe Falls.

Quotebook

Blackie Sherrod of the Dallas Morning News, on the complaint by Atlanta Braves’ owner Ted Turner that salaries are too high: “That’s like Al Capone speaking out for gun control.�