Opinion: Obama team unveils exciting federal logo to make you eat less of what you like and more of what you don’t

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Just in time for county fair and picnic season, President Obama’s administration has unveiled a brand-new, colorful, exciting logo designed to fill what it feels is a disturbing national shortage of reminders for Americans to eat healthier.

The MyPlate logo (see super-sized version above) will be widely distributed by your federal government to replace the familiar food pyramid design as the examining room poster least-read-by-impatient-patients-sitting-in-their-underwear-awaiting-a-tardy-doctor.

Agriculture Secretary Tom Vilsack, who comes from Iowa and has downed his fair share of corn dogs, cheesesteaks and elephant ears over the years, unveiled the new logo.

‘With so many food options available to consumers,’ Vilsack opined, ‘it is often difficult to determine the best foods to put on our plates when building a healthy meal.’

Who could possibly oppose healthy meals, right? Especially if someone else has to eat them.

And especially given what medicine is going to cost individual Americans under the president’s massive healthcare plan that everyone will be required to buy unless they can wangle a waiver from the Health and Human Services Department because they’re a well-connected union, large corporation or run AARP?

And who is closer to the American people, cares more about their perceived needs, thinks they know more about everything that they think matters and is better able to impose such well-meaning propaganda reminders than federal government bureaucrats in Washington, D.C.?

‘MyPlate is an uncomplicated symbol to help remind people to think about their food choices in order to lead healthier lifestyles,’ Vilsack added.

For increased news interest, the Ag department had on hand Michelle Obama, who’s made the fight against obesity her first lady cause.

‘I can already tell how much this is going to help parents across the country,’ said Mrs. Obama, who served six kinds of pies at her last Thanksgiving dinner.

‘When mom or dad comes home from a long day of work,’ she stated, ‘we’re already asked to be a chef, a referee, a cleaning crew. So it’s tough to be a nutritionist too. But we do have time to take a look at our kids’ plates. As long as they’re half full of fruits and vegetables, and paired with lean proteins, whole grains and low-fat dairy, we’re golden. That’s how easy it is.’

Also on hand Thursday to help serve up the warning about healthier face-stuffing was Regina Benjamin, President Obama’s selection as the nation’s health-driven surgeon general (see photo above).

She said:

‘This new tool can be a fun way to help individuals and families make healthier meal choices. I encourage all Americans to follow the new dietary guidelines and become familiar with the new icon because it will serve as a compass to a healthy and fit nation.’

-- Andrew Malcolm

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