Trust Miss USA Rima Fakih -- we Americans always wear stripper heels with our oversized eagle wings

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For anyone who’s visiting this blog from outside the United States -- and we know you’re there, ‘cause you comment like crazy on posts about Michael Jackson and Angelina Jolie -- let the Ministry of Gossip break the news to you gently: Americans don’t dress like you think we dress.

The myths about Americans cruising around comfortably in Levi’s and T-shirts? Or maybe in cheaply made stretch pants and XXXL T-shirts? Lies, lies, lies.

Here in the land of the free and the home of the brave, we prefer to dress like Miss USA Rima Fakih did in the run-up to Monday’s Miss Universe Pageant -- in golden-eagle outfits designed by a Victoria’s Secret costumer and modeled after the bird on the presidential seal.

Hey, y’all should see what we wear on the weekends.

-- Christie D’Zurilla