Dodgers’ Andre Ethier shrugs off all those trade rumors

I feel like I need one of those old-fashioned typewriters, one that makes that distinctive “ding� at the end of each line before you manually push the return lever. How quaint. Maybe I just dust off my old black Underwood, bang this baby out, and one day Steve Soboroff will pay my heirs a fortune for it.

Because rumor has it (think Danny DeVito in “L.A. Confidential�) …

The Dodgers are going to trade Andre Ethier … they’re that unhappy with his hitting left-handers … they’re going to sign Michael Bourn, play him in center, move Matt Kemp to right and ship out Ethier … they’re going to platoon him, play him only on Thursdays that fall on even-numbered days of the month, ask him to be their new scout in Paraguay.

Now if you’re Ethier, what do you make of all these off-season trade rumors? Particularly when General Manager Ned Colletti has said there is nothing to them? I know, what else would he say? But since the Dodgers just signed Ethier to a five-year, $85-million extension last June, it’s probably wise to believe it.

“That’s what he told me,� Ethier said. “He said I don’t know if it’s other guys trying to create stuff themselves. People ask, does it bother me? How am I going let something bother me, when where are the facts coming from?�

If you’re the agent for Bourn it’s probably prudent to at least suggest the sign-and-trade scenario. And this is probably where I should mention Bourn’s agent is Scott Boras, the best and craftiest in the business.

Still, rumors that the Dodgers are at least open to trading Ethier have been remarkably consistent this winter. Ethier, though, mostly seems to shrug them off.

“I haven’t looked too much into it,� Ethier said. “It’s something I see as rumors. I think Ned was pretty quick to say there was nothing to it. That was enough to ease my mind, even though obviously there was a lot following that. I wasn’t going to let it consume me. Just keep going about my business, trusting in Ned and what Stan [Kasten, CEO] had to say with me being in their plans, and no plans to move me, unless it was an offer they can’t refuse, which is understandable.

“There’s no [bad] feelings because of what I’m seeing or hearing. I know it’s part of the game, part of the business.�

The 30-year-old Ethier has had his, er, moments with the club during his seven years in Los Angeles, but now seems excited about the team’s direction under new ownership.

“That was my point of signing here,� he said. “I knew the plans, knew what these guys were planning to do. I’m happy to be back here, they’re happy to have me back. I know I’m in a good spot, in a good position. I can’t wait for it to go through.�

ALSO:

For Dodgers and MLB, the billion-dollar TV question

Clayton Kershaw, Dodgers yet to discuss contract extension

Daily Dodger in Review: Matt Kemp’s greatness stalled by injuries