Condom law chasing away L.A.’s porn people? Here’s a solution

If you build a better condom, will men use it? And no, that’s not a trick question.

In one of those “Gee, I feel so lame not knowing about this already� stories, the other Times (the one in New York) reported this week that the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation has awarded prizes of $100,000 each to 11 winners in its contest to create a condom that men actually might, you know, put on before having sex. (Ladies, insert your own joke/bad experience/harrumph here.)

I’m glad to read some good news about condoms because they’ve getting a bad, well, rap here in L.A. recently -- being blamed for, among other things, chasing away the porn industry from our fair city. (Yes, I know, not everyone thinks that really is a bad thing, but let’s move on, ye Puritans.)

CARTOON: L.A.’s condom law sends porn industry packing

Still, in much of the world (and in the U.S. too, for that matter), condom use could go a long way toward preventing not only babies but sexually transmitted diseases. Except, well, many men don’t want to use one. And as we all know, when men don’t want to do something, that’s that.

But I digress; I know you’re anxious to know: What did the winners come up with? Well, there’s this one, as the NYT’s Pam Belluck reported: “the ‘ultrasensitive reconstituted collagen condom’ proposed by Apex Medical Technologies in San Diego. Apex’s president, Mark McGlothlin, said his product would feel like skin and be made from collagen fibers from cows’ Achilles tendons or possibly fish skin. ‘They’re unbelievably strong,’ said Mr. McGlothlin, who currently gets beef tendon from a Vietnamese grocery. ‘I could yank all day and not break this thing.’�

Gulp. Not sure about this one. Although I guess it’s kind of a Native American concept -- you know, using the whole cow and all, not having anything go to waste.

Moving on, there’s also a clever take on the DIY days of old: “A ‘wrapping condom’ proposal by the California Family Health Council in Los Angeles will build on a version manufactured in Colombia, made of polyethylene plastic that ‘clings like Saran Wrap rather than squeezes,’ according to Ron Frezieres, the council’s vice president for research. It would come in three-packs the size of a credit card and almost as thin, he said, and, like another grant winner called the Rapidom, would have pull tabs to ‘keep you from being confused about which way to put it on,’ Mr. Frezieres added.�

Better, I’d say. Somehow, Saran Wrap conjures a better image than cow or fish parts. Though that’s just probably my fondness for the days my mom packed my lunch for school, and the PB&J came in Saran Wrap. The pull tabs I’m not sure so about, but hey, if it doesn’t work for condoms, maybe they could try making socks that way.

Anyway, you can check out the story yourself for the full scoop on all the winners. Suffice to say, it’s nice to know that Bill Gates and his foundation are using his billions to build a better world.

After all, as Stephen Ward, a Gates Foundation program officer, is quoted, “The idea is making them easier for people to use in the moment, in the dark, whatever situation they’re in.�

And he might have added: Maybe it’s time for men to stop making women do all the planning.

Who knows, these new condoms might even solve L.A.’s runaway porn problem.

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