Stephen Colbert sides with ‘pro-dead kitten’ N.Y. mayoral candidate

By now, Stephen Colbert’s dislike of bears is well known. On Thursday, the satirist made it clear he’s not crazy about kittens, either -- specifically Arthur and August, the two little furballs who recently wandered onto the tracks at a Brooklyn subway station and delayed service on two separate lines for hours.

The incident created a headache for commuters in the borough, who were forced to wait as workers attempted to coax the wee felines off the tracks. Or, as Colbert joked, “Hundreds of Brooklynites were stuck on the platform with nothing to Instagram.� A crisis indeed.

The incident occurred just weeks before New Yorkers are set to vote in the mayoral primary and, naturally, candidates from both political parties weighed in with their thoughts, with most suggesting the rescue was worth the inconvenience it caused to hundreds of straphangers.

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“He will not only stop trains for kittens, he will personally crawl over the third rail to do it,� promised Barbara Morgan, spokeswoman for candidate Anthony Weiner. Rival Sal Albanese agreed, saying, “What, are we nuts? Of course I would stop. We can’t just go running over kittens.�

Nearly all the other candidates, including Democrat Bill Thompson and Republican John Catismadis, also came down on the side of the mischievous kittens. The one notable exception was Republican Joe Lhota, who said, via a campaign representative, that he “does not think it’s appropriate to shut down an entire train line� to save two cats.

This hard-line position made Lhota the only “pro-dead kitten candidate in this race, or any race,� Colbert observed. And that’s not a bad place to be: While the remaining contenders will split the pro-kitten vote, Lhota had a lock on the “key anti-kitten demographics of sociopaths, rats large enough to vote, and A.L.F,� Colbert said.

While the host clearly admired Lhota’s willingness to take an unpopular stance, he decided to withhold his endorsement until the candidate was able to prove he “walks the walk� when it comes to kitten-killing.

For August and Arthur’s sake, let’s hope Lhota was bluffing.

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